My nature?

I never knew who my father was and to this day I still do not know. My mother died when I was 8 of breast cancer and I went to live with her brother and sister in law.
I was seen as a shy but normal child. Quiet, pleasant. Not stupid. Not bright. Often stuck in my own thoughts and ways.

In hindsight my nature is obvious. As a primary school girl i had a history book on the Romans. It was illustrated with pictures and drawings and I constantly found myself drawn to a number of these. There were female slaves with collars chained together, and a slave tied spreadeagled to stakes in the ground. Of course my feelings were not sexual to any degree. But I was fascinated by these images. I wanted to be one of those girls. I even invented a game that I would play with myself.

I got four dice (I know I should say di but it sounds plain wrong).

The first would be rolled and that would decide how many clothes I had to wear from fully dressed to nude.

The second would decide where I should be from in my bed, or wardrobe, to in the woods or garage

The third would be how i would have to position myself from standing, kneeling or lying down (1, 2, 3) to having my bike lock wrapped around my feel (4), wrists self tied with dressing gown cord (5) or ankles and wrists as before (6)

The final dice would show how long I had to stay like that - from 10 mins to 60 mins.

I repeat none of this was sexual, I was only 10 years old. It was just what I did.
In hindsight it's obvious. My nature was to submit and give up control. And I
was doing this by way of submitted to the chance of 4 dice. This is how i discovered by nature...