Saturday, 27 March 2010

My nature?

I never knew who my father was and to this day I still do not know. My mother died when I was 8 of breast cancer and I went to live with her brother and sister in law.
I was seen as a shy but normal child. Quiet, pleasant. Not stupid. Not bright. Often stuck in my own thoughts and ways.

In hindsight my nature is obvious. As a primary school girl i had a history book on the Romans. It was illustrated with pictures and drawings and I constantly found myself drawn to a number of these. There were female slaves with collars chained together, and a slave tied spreadeagled to stakes in the ground. Of course my feelings were not sexual to any degree. But I was fascinated by these images. I wanted to be one of those girls. I even invented a game that I would play with myself.

I got four dice (I know I should say di but it sounds plain wrong).

The first would be rolled and that would decide how many clothes I had to wear from fully dressed to nude.

The second would decide where I should be from in my bed, or wardrobe, to in the woods or garage

The third would be how i would have to position myself from standing, kneeling or lying down (1, 2, 3) to having my bike lock wrapped around my feel (4), wrists self tied with dressing gown cord (5) or ankles and wrists as before (6)

The final dice would show how long I had to stay like that - from 10 mins to 60 mins.

I repeat none of this was sexual, I was only 10 years old. It was just what I did.
In hindsight it's obvious. My nature was to submit and give up control. And I
was doing this by way of submitted to the chance of 4 dice. This is how i discovered by nature...


  1. Thank you for that fascinating insight and for being so honest. I for one, will certainly be reading your blog regularly. :-) Your experiences rather confirm my own belief that our predilections are, if not already part of our personality from birth, then certainly formed at a very early age.

    I too was in primary school when I had my first experience of being unusually interested in things spanking related. I yearned to be put over the knee of one of my female teachers even at the age of seven, (this was the sixties and permissible then). Of course, this was at that time, not at all sexually related in my mind but it my first recollection of such a desire and they have been part of my psyche ever since.

    As I grew older I explored my sexuality by experimentation with self-spanking and bondage. Initially, this experimentation led to feelings of guilt and confusion, but as I have grown older, I have come to see my desires as something to cherish and celebrate with like-minded people.

    These days I'm just as happy to be the one administering the spanking as receiving it, but I believe that the ability to understand the sub/bottom viewpoint helps no end in being a sensitive and caring top.

    I wish you well with your blog and you already have one reader looking forward to your next post with great anticipation. Terrific stuff, keep it up. :-)

  2. Bless you Sir Jasper!
    It's lovely to know some people may be reading this!! Perhaps when you get a moment you could sign up as a follower and perhaps even spread the word as I would love to get more people following and commenting here.....
    It's really nice to hear the thoughts and experiences of others also....
    Take care
    H x

  3. LSGal. It is very fantastic and wanderful experience to read your post 'My Nature'.
    Your post really touched my heart, spirit and mind. As I think you have brave heart and are good girl. thank you.

  4. Hello there! And thanks so much for coming here and for posting... It’s hard to get going here i guess, even harder when you don’t know if anyone is reading!

  5. Awesome post just unlike seen before. Thanks for sharing this article. I think everybody should read the post.

  6. I just think it's a shame that you can't bottle the feelings you have at the beginning, and can get them out at a later stage in your relationship, when the things you used to find endearing about your partner now get on your tits.